Pig ol' Zimple!
by Valentine Thornton
Summary: Ponyboy wakes up with the biggest, juiciest zit anyone has ever seen! Will it go away or will Darry panick and take him to a doctor when the thing starts talking to him? -reviews would be awesome!


Big zit!

I awoke to a peaceful Saturday morning birdsong, and the smell of chocolate cake in the air.

Sitting up in bed and listening to the usual sounds coming from the living room, the sound of Twobit and Dally fighting over the remote- Twobit likes_ Sesame Street _and every cartoon imaginable, while Dally on the other hand likes _Gidget_ and _Partridge Family. -_ I noted that Sodapop wasn't in the bed, which meant he was already in the shower and unless I wanted to turn into a popsicle- It's early January- I'd better wait at least an hour after he gets out so the water can get hot again.

I climbed out of bed and noticed all the clothes scattered on the floor. We really need to clean up in here, I thought as I bent over and picked up a blue T-shirt. I smelled the shirt and coughed because it smelled like some kind of strange perfume. Turing it over I noticed that the shirt had a swoop neck, meaning that it was a girl's shirt. I started to wonder about where it had come from but then decided that I really didn't care. A free shirt is a free shirt- even if it is a chick shirt! Plus, it comes with its own scent, BONUS!

I slid into the shirt and found myself in the awkward position of wondering, wondering what it would be like if I could actually fill out the swoop neck shirt. Yeah, that's right, the big question: What if I had boobs?

I didn't give myself the chance to really think about it because I was afraid of jinxing myself. – The very idea of waking up with two human feedbags on my chest is just so…BLEH! - So I threw on random pair of grey sweat-pants that had been cut off to about mid-thigh. I exited the room and Jogged down the stairs, eager to get breakfast. My stomach was growling so loud that I was sure Twobit could hear it.

I entered the kitchen and nobody even bothered to look up.

Darry was bending over and looking into the refrigerator, Johnny was at the stove holding a spatula. Steve was sitting at the table, stuffing his face full of pancake.

Since that day we found out that Johnny can cook, he seemed to be in our kitchen every morning. Nobody ever told him to cook for us, he just did. He says that he loves to cook, that it's like a passion to him.

Johnny learned to cook from his mother; he told me that before she started drinking she used to be a famous chef. But when she started drinking like that, she started doing really stupid things on the set of her show. They fired her. Johnny says that he wants to continue learning from his mother, says it might be the one thing that'll get him out of this neighborhood.

Darry straightens up and closes the refrigerator door, setting the carton of milk on the table. He then walks over to the stove and reaches up over Johnny's head and opens the cupboard. He takes down a coffee mug, walks back over to the table and pours milk in it.

I get bored and walk into the living room.

"Dammit, Twobit, gimme the frickin' remote!"

"NOOOO! I think Betty Boop is about to take her top off!"

"I swear, if I miss one minute of _Gidget, _MY shoe is going in YOUR poop-shoot!"

"You _would_ wanna put something in there…"

Uh-oh…

Dally's face turned red and he hauled off to punch Twobit. I didn't want to see Twobit get the sense knocked out of him- whatever sense he had left- so I threw myself in front of Dally.

Dally's arm froze in midair and his angry expression faltered. I noticed that his eyes traveled up my face. After what seems like five minutes of awkwardness, he falls over laughing loudly causing Darry to come out of the kitchen. I just stood there and watched Dallas roll around on the couch laughing like a nut. Twobit looks at me and also starts laughing. I'm just going to assume that both of them are drunk…

"What in the world is going on in here?"

Dallas stopped laughing and turned around to face Darry. Twobit turns around in the armchair and stops laughing.

"Ah, Darry, we've been expecting you," Twobit said trying to sound all serious like. But of course he is Twobit and for him to be serious for very long is completely out of character. He bursts out laughing and I feel him grab my arm.

Twobit pulls me out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Before I have the chance to figure anything out, Twobit lets go of my arm and walks over to where Johnny stood, flipping pancakes. He tapped Johnny on the shoulder.

"Johnny! Johnny, Johnny, Hey, check out the honker on Ponyboy's head!"

Johnny turns around and looks at Twobit like he's crazy- Damn, Johnny; you're smarter than all of us aren't you? - Then he turns his attention to me.

Five things happened at once.

Johnny flung the pancake that he was flipping across the room.

Steve got hit by the pancake, screamed, and fell backward in his chair.

Sodapop came out of nowhere, wearing nothing but a towel, takes one look at me and vomits on the kitchen floor.

Darry- who had followed me and Twobit into the kitchen- looked at me, his eyes grow wide and then he looks down at the kitchen floor where Soda hurled. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

Dallas crawls into the kitchen holding his side, still laughing too hard to breathe.

It finally got to me and I decided to go see if there was anything on my face. When I walked into the bathroom I couldn't see anything, the air was thick with steam from Sodapop's shower.

I turned to face the mirror, wiped the steam away… and almost fell back with shock.

There was a zit…. a _BIG_ zit! And not your average sized big zit either. This zit was exactly what Twobit had referred to it as, "A HONKER".

The thing was as big and round as a quarter and about as tall as one. - You know if you stand the quarter on its rim side- anyway, it was the biggest frickin' zit in the history of freak zits. The thing was bright red- AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, THE THING IS THROBBING! EEEEEEEEEEWWWW!

I retreated to my room and slammed the door, diving face first into a pillow on the bed.

The bird I had heard when I first awoke was still singing. Only this time the bird's song wasn't peaceful, it was taunting. The damn bird was singing about me and I wish it would just shut up!

_Tweet, tweet, tweet,- BIG JUICY PIMPLE- Tweet, tweet, tweet- ON PONYBOY'S HEAD- tweet, tweet, tweet- GONNA PECK DAT PIMPLE- tweet, tweet, tweet- BLOOD AND PUSS ALL OVER THE BED- tweet, tweet, tweet- IT'S THE WORLDS BIGGEST CYSTIC PIMPLE, AND IT'S NEVER GONNA POP, HE'S A FREAK! HE CAN'T AFORD "PROACTIVE" EVEN IF HE COULD IT WOULDN'T STOP…- T~A~WEEEEEEEEEEET- …GROWING!_

SHUT UP! DAMMIT!


End file.
